The USA is an awesome place to live. It's probably the most awesome place to live on Earth - and I'll tell you why:
- Freedom of Speech
- We have a gigantic version of every thinkable object somewhere in the middle of nowhere.
- Right to Bear Arms
- We've got the original Disney World
- We're fatter than you, so you'll look good standing next to us
- We're easily flattered
- We've never lost a war in which mules were used.
- One American can come up with 300 different uses for peanuts
- We have the Red Sox. Then again we also have the Yankees, so I guess we can't count this as a good reason America is awesome.
- We have football and soccer, but you guys only have football, which IS soccer
- We're easily convinced of anything
- Freedom of Buttsex
- Gay rights
- There are groups of Americans who give out free hugs.
- We have Hollywood.
- Florida is bigger than England.
- For some reason, this point makes me feel very superior. Not superior to England or Britain, or the UK, or whatever they're knighting themselves these days.
- We only have one name: United States of America. You can call us America for short, or USA if you're in a hurry.
- Female rights
- Freedom of Buttsex
- Our court system is flawed (but don't get me started on how), so you can get away with more. I mean, look at OJ Simpson.
- We're the home of the deep fat fried butter brigade
But most of all:
- If you're in the USA, your life is probably not being made into a living hell by the USA. It's kind of a "You're either them or us, and we don't like them" kind of deal.
And that's why it is better to live with us than live against us.
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